Happy New Year. Semi-not-so-much-trying-to-be-my-usual-rants.

    Well. . . fuckit. . . here goes my end of the year statement. . . its been a crazy one, full of hardship all around, locally, nationally, and globally. . . I dont need to touch on our losses too much, but its helped me to come closer to my appreciation of my true loves, My family, my friends, and those who have played a part in my own spiritual evolution.
     I think those of you that matter to me have noticed I've been around a little bit more than I usually am. Last but not least it helps me to get out there and make music again.  I need that, and I haven't been writing or playing much which kinda bums me out.
    Maybe a ot of my friends are going through new stages in life and it has me thinking, or maybe it is the loss of multiple loved ones too soon this year, I don't know. . . maybe I even feel stagnant, even though I'm progressively getting better considering I've cut down drastically on my vices. . . not entirely mind you, but I'm doing more than just talking about it at least.
    Loss only brings me closer to these things. It is an unfourtunate way of functioning, but I think this is just the way all energy flows according to the whims of the great magnet. Anyway, I digress. . .  things are changing. A collective mind is at our fingertips, we are at a cataclysmic point in which we can choose to stay the same or evolve. I say we choose the latter. Open your mind a little, don't be afraid, your brain will not fall out in the process, I promise!
   Think about it, a revolution is actually happening. . . it is everywhere, Libya, London, Egypt, and even at home in Oakland, DC, New York, with the occupy movement. . it is world wide, you can watch it in the comfort of your own home. . . I mean, don't you find that astronomically amazing and scary at the same time?
  Hell even our entire planet is changing, magnetic poles are shifting, ice melting, and climate change debate. Even with all that do I see that as the end of the world? HELL NO. .. end of times maybe. . . but a much needed change in what decides the fate of our species. I think its time to let go of our old standards and ways of thinking in order to advance more quickly in a positive direction.

 Im going to make the best I can be out of 2012, what are you going to make of it?

They want it all

you can give your blood sweat and tears
and they will want more
you can give your mind body and soul
and they will still want more
you can bend over backwards until you break
you can give the last piece of your broken heart
and they will want it all
I say give it to them
you will find parts of yourself you never knew existed.

Hard To Say

At least I put it out there
at least I tried my best
it was nothing less
than ripping my heart from my chest
but my feelings were expressed
and done without regret
there is nothing I can do
to change the source of your neglect.

Thinner

I followed a heart made of philosopher stone
to a dead end road
the flame drowns in the wax
riding the razors back
to the edge of the map
as the stars inhale
and exhale their shimmer
the air I breathe growing thinner
the space around me expands
stretching the bonds between my friends
growing distant
awaiting this chapers end
hoping the next is better than
a stray sniffing at the gates of strangers
sedate and subdue the anger
only to awaken later
stronger, pent up, presenting danger
frustration, empathetic failure
maybe I just care too much
in a life of denying such.

God Simplex

In each of my cells there is a galaxy
and I am king of that universe
a god like entity
for my control and mine alone
a place where both good and evil roam
when my blood flows
and my heart beats
I travel space, and time
seeking new planets and species
Which I am I and one with everything
My mind a planet with highways of electric synapses
My hands manipulate my reality,
my tongue and lips work together
to communicate with other strange life forms.

Kind of makes you think about Earth
and where it resides
it could be but a quark in an atom of a piece of sand in the tonail of some reptile-slash-monkey type being. Inside some sick and twisted fractal.

Believe The Lie

The Joke

I composed this joke
so have a laugh at my expense
smiling as a heart gets broke
grinning into the abyss

I composed this joke
and I was chuckling at the time
because Id rather split my sides
than just sit around and cry

I'll compose this joke
and crack myself up into tears
over every punch line spoke
sorrows shadowed by the cheer

The joke which I composed
is probably one you do not know
although its dark and morose

at least the lighter side is shown

Throwing In The Towel

Mark me as a loss
I have grown tired of playing
waiting for some truth behind all those words youre saying

I did not know the cost
I thought that I could win
which is why I subjected myself to this time and time again

Its time to close the book
this will be the last chapter
flirting with disaster
has no happily ever after

Beans 2011 Digtal Rant (prison edition)

    Does anyone else find it disturbing that the prison system is becoming more and more privatized? Our society being bought out by corporations, who see incarceration as a profit. Specifically the CCA. These same corporations who are now a multibillion  dollar industry, with enough pocket change to lobby and buy out our politicians. I mean our military is too. . . just look into Blackwater contracting, but that's a whole other rant for a different time.

    We Imprison more citizens than any other country, and that is pretty staggering considering our population percentage to other countries. . . Hell, China has less prisoners, that should say something right there, check the stats. All while us the people, pay for unnecessary imprisonment right out of our own pockets. Remember, these people get full health care, and even education in most instances, guess who pays for that? Prohibition and drug laws, seat belt laws, or anything a so called "public servant" aka  police officer can pin on you to feed the judicial machine.

    We all sit back as they take away more and more freedoms, as they make more and more laws.They will keep doing it too, if you allow it. Its like a school bully taking your lunch money until you finally had enough and socked the motherfucker. Dont let them take your humanity, do not de-evolve. Remain a human being, not a robot. Not an obedient, button pushing, paper filing, unknowing, unthinking, fucking. . . robot. . .

    We are human beings, we have always strived for more. A better, utopian, euphoric life. . . and its not because we are greedy. . .  it is because we are capable, we have spent thousands of years searching, knowing, we are better than this. If we could only leave behind the shackles of our past.  If what I say becomes illegal, I will shout it, and give you all the finger while they drag me off.

    The American Dream has ended people. . .its time to face that, but sometimes you just have to destroy and rebuild to make a better place. It is up to everyone to make that decision. We have built our own invisible prison around us, Whether its your job, your home, or your financial obligations. We are all both the guards and the prisoners, and we don't even realize it. Do you accept this fate, or do you start tunneling out. . . Andy 'fuckin' Dufresne style? How long untill everybody realizes our own well being means more than just money?


-Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realize we cannot eat money.


Whoops. . .sorry everyone. . .actually started caring there for a moment. . let me go back to my beer and television.

Theres blood inside my mouth
from biting back my tongue
there is no easy way out
once the damage is done
Here lies my murdered muse
but I cant bring myself to mourn
searching for a new excuse
to escape the love that I once sworn

Ive grown so tired
of how everything has transpired
they keep adding fuel to the fire
glad handing bold faced liars
and now my patience has expired
these sad eyes hold disbelief
for they were fooled by what they seen
help me please
this purgatory has crippled me
I am stuck in a state of denial
and all Im hiding behind this smile
crushed by my notions
as the emotions pile.

My Father Is.

My father was my google
before google was born.
He knew anything and everything
and taught me in fear of scorn
My father is my hero
so few can say the same
but he is so with so many
regardless of the names
and no matter what I do
in this lifestyle I tread through
there is no question who
I can never fill the shoes.

Drift away

The New Throne

I want the world in a plastic bag
payed for with a cash advance
I want a nuclear power plant
and a government grant
I want a tax break
on my slave trade
a bailout on my air raids
and industries
my oil profits will not pay for these
I want my portfolio to grow
until the middle class falls to zero
I want everything for nothing
and I want more
from the convenience stores
to the pipelines on the gulfs, and shores
Ill name my price
and you will pay
take my advice
and live MY way
rest your little heads to sleep
keep living the American dream
regardless what comes naturally
I will process, package, irradiate chemically
the fluoride is only for your teeth 
the sulfur in the air is okay
Ignore the taste
shut up and pay


or you will pay. . . . . . . .

Rodent

I've been in the dark for so long
I fear Ill go blind in the light
the longer that you play the fool
the less everyone thinks youre right
Im hanging by my final string
and even thats unraveling
collect all of their fingers aim
when youre the easy one to blame
im only trying to play the game
without the rulebook that they made
and as I do Im called insane
trapped in a judgmental gaze

Touche'

Too numb to care
too cold to cry
too weird to live
too rare to die
Dying inside
worn within
try to hide
whats wearing thin
Where will is torn
and outlooks grim
new dawns are born
with aims to win

Beware the Wild Love

Beware the wild love
the undomesticated and uncultivated
the feral and primate
the unrequisited
the unkempt
the untamed. . . .  love
for surely
and eventually
it will bite you in the ass
when you least expect it to
forcing you to stand alone
to avoid more pain.

Excess

Just because there are no bars
it does not mean its not a cage
Like tigers stalking the king
who has passed his time of age
Like a leg too weak to stand on
like a home you dont belong
Like a vivid lucid dream
that has grown colorless and drawn
Like a dagger in your back
when it was pointed towards your friends
Like falling far off the track
to where you cant return again
a hand too stiff to hold the pen
a foot too far across the edge
an answer  worn too thin
so that the question knows no end
a tired heart and clouded mind
accelerating hands of time
an embark on a decline
a life signed on the dotted line
So I'll do what I do best
fall into excess
forget all the rest
and take it all in jest.

So What?

I have tossed my mind about
carelessly,
 like a child with a ball
and it may have finally fell past retrieval.
I left an old heart scattered in too many places
pawned off like a unsealed garage sale puzzle
I have become the charicature, the cartoon,
that I created.
an external portrayal,
which is but a distorted reflection of the internal.
I have feigned listlessness for so long
that I may have actually achieved it
because I wanted to be like you,
a black belt, journeyman, mechanist, master of apathy
perfectionists of feeling nothing
and by the time I realized I was my own person
with all the emotions I was taught to neglect
it was too late, the leap was made.
I never wanted to not care,
I wanted to not care about how I care,
or how I thought.
and as the feelings die inside
so does the fire and the passion
that fuels the greatest of loves
and so the saying goes
be careful what you wish for.

Narcissist

Self absorbed belligerence
taking advantage of
anyone who cares enough
driven into decadence
Narcissist, heartless
emotionally lethargic
masquerading vanity as love
I sit and await your true colors
but like an albino peacock
they never seem to ever come
not in any way they show
more desperate I grow
caught in the undertow
of lies flowing from your mouth
struggling to paddle out
Maybe I could save myself
If I refused to give in
to the attentions you crave
this conceited world you're living in
self serving barbarian
Your ego is a rusty cage
containing all your selfish ways
and as it crumbles away with age
you will only have yourself to blame

Bean Machine 1.0

They don't understand my operating system
I have no 2.0
my security is flawed
no practicality
quick to crash
dot-Jeremy-dot-Bean_underscore-colon-dash-slash
its obscure cryptic manual
is lacking in detail
but it is not hardware error
it is not software error
it is user error
for it is incompatible with your realm.

Waldosia

I still look for you,
although you are not there.
I wish this was not true,
and my vision was impaired.
I stand amongst the crowd,
their voices ring aloud.
No matter where I point my ear,
yours can not be found.
It was just a fairy tale,
I wanted to believe.
I heard the stories that they tell,
and went steadfast to deceit.
As the pictures fade.
I still posses the name,
and even as the story changed
the title stayed the same.

The Generation Left Behind

So much for solace. . . .

I surrender, Earth
I surrender, America
I surrender, Bilderberg Group
I surrender, Comcast
I surrender, Haliburton
I surrender, Brittish petroleum
or Exxon or National Iranian Oil Company
I surrender, Time Warner
I surrender "insert political or corporate name here"
I surrender to your politically correct puppeteering
I surrender to your drunken power
I will ignore conspiracy
and label anything associated with that word as crazy
I surrender to NBC, CBS, ABC, and Fox
I will nod in unison with the herded masses
to Bill O'reilly and Glenn Beck
I will watch your movies
and T.V shows
I will listen to your music
I will care more about their lives
than that of my own family and friends
I will try to be like them
I will strive to meet their dysfunction
I will think as you want me to
read what you want me to
be as you want me to
ignore what I know is true
I will buy into your banality
I will buy into mediocrity
I will buy into your hypocrisy
I will bow to your majesty
I will fill out your paperwork
and run your machines
I will erect your effigies
I will do so for peanuts
as I blindly, and unquestionably follow your Jesus
and pray to your god that you dont take more
for his name, or your own
I will earn your money
and spend your money
on your houses
and your cars
and your food
and your alcohol
and your tobacco
including your taxes
I will buy your drugs
and then pay for getting caught with them
I will pay for your schools
and your roads
and your law enforcers
I will seek the airbrushed and photo shopped women
that grace your magazines
knowing I will never find them
I will sit in front of your computers clicking
and your televisions watching
and your radios listening
I will live inside your digital world
conversating with people
who were my friends
in a detached manner
I will seek out your world
and not my own
I will be your definition of average
I will follow your edgy characters
I will let them be my heroes
I will let them stand for everything I want to be
I will ignore logical thought
I will ignore my instinct
my gut feeling
my whole being

Cleanse my thoughts
wash my mind
I will die for your way
Instead of live for mine.

-Signed

   The Generation Left Behind.