Refrain

If I were stuck in purgatory
would you remain to conclude the story?
If blindness struck me suddenly,
would you be my eyes to see?
If I was to no longer hear,
would you stay near and be my ears?
If I uncovered all my flaws
would you be there for the long haul?
If I was nothing, laid to waste,
would you still show your pretty face?
These questions make me short of breath,
 all who I have asked has up and left.

Over and over throughout my past, I have grown wiser not to ask.

Turn It Off

Premonitions bet that weve sold our souls
for a television set and a remote control

they have you brainwashed!

Its not the puppet, Its whos pulling the strings
your just a puppet, and theyre pulling the strings
its time to cut the ties and do away with such things

We dont know yet we have to check the polls
now the trap is set time to swallow you whole

they have you brainwashed!

Pretty
plastic
people
prancing

turn it off!
now dont be a sucker
turn it off
now dont be another
turn it off!

turn it off!

turn your head and cough
its a bad diagnosis
now breathe
your losing your focus

Infected with ABC, CNN and FOX
altered by your T.V. sets
Youve lost your sense of self respect

Its not the puppet, Its whos pulling the strings
your just a puppet, and theyre pulling the strings
time to not live in fear and care for what it might bring

Perfect
perpetrators
posing


turn it off!
turn it off motherfucker
turn it off!
now dont be another
turn it off!

turn it off!

Turn your head and cough
its a bad diagnosis
now breathe
your losing your focus

Infected with NBC, MTV, and PBS
altered by your T.V. sets
media escalating stress

Agnostic

have been dreaming of rapture for soo long
and not making it here, but when Im gone
repeating the longest of sad songs
a paradise gone wrong

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

Dream of a warmth not remembered
a December that lasts forever
am I too numb to know if I get there?
set me free from this temper

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

Cling to a fury that helps me form
a silent calm right before the storm
These clouds that separate me from the norm
demons I can not reform

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

A childhood vision thats shattered
from a day when all of it mattered
a consultation that man has torn and tattered
misread words fill empty heads

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

God please dont tell me its too late.

Want to Play?

I have played this game before
with princesses and whores
I have learned well through experience
that it turns into a war

The princesses want to be queen
The whores want to be clean
but soon find out its not obtained
by excessive gambling

I will not restrain
my peices will be played
with no rules or boundries to enforce
I move outside the frame

I know when it will end
I know when we begin
I know when we play this game
that neither of us win

If you try not to fall easily
you end up falling hard
those left standing at the end
have learned to fold their cards

Those who are left standing
may not have met demise
but only get a broken heart
for a consolation prize

Partial Truths

Partial
    truths
trickle
    through
the
    tiny
cracks
       in
my
       exterior
but
    never
          enough
to
    reveal
the
       interior
whole
       inferior
soul
    who
can not
       let
the
    complete
truth
    go

The Motions of Emotion

If  you have ever cried your tear ducts drier than a desert river bed
If your anger has burned hotter than the sun
If rage has exploded from you like a volcano
If melancholy has shown you the deepest shades of gray
If love has ever shattered you like glass
If shame has dragged you to the lowest of depths
If fear has gripped you like the icy hand of death
If sorrow has ran through you like electric current
If frustration has tied you tighter than the gordian knot

 congratulations, you are human

This Story

Every story has its end
but this book I can not close
attached to the character
marked by dog ear folds
the plot lines circle in my head
unwritten novel, that goes unread
I can recite this story blind
I think about it all the time
Destined for failure
thats unspoken but known
keeping composure
but fearing what is shown
Drama and adventure
Romance and tragedy
Fable and fantasy
A story of the ages
with foes and friends
everything in these pages
except for an end

Forgotten

I am nothing
but the footprints
I leave in the snow
the knuckle marks
I leave in the wall
the plow will come tomorrow
and one day the handyman
will patch up the walls
then I will be forgotten
just like so many others
trying to leave their mark.

Only Myself

The only one who can hurt me
is myself
and i have done that better
than anyone else
no need to try
these eyes will not cry
from ears that allways hear
all of the goodbyes
warrior of solitude
soldier of seclusion
trainded by the years of
lies and illusions.
Tempered from pain
hardened and untamed
I arise from the flame
only to hurt myself
once again.

Texts

Reading these minds
I see nothing
but a library of tears
archives of hurt
aisles of fictional happiness
books with empty pages
I dig
and search
for specks of truth
paragraphs of enlightenment
words of wisdom
but the truth remains untold
and the mysteries remain

Flesh and Paper

Money is made of paper
hearts are made of flesh
some they pursue both
some they like one best
but Im not even close
for its both that I detest
money the root of evil
the heart a root to love
money made by people
hearts by the gods above
some only love the money
some try to buy the love
the two they divide each other
the two they push and shove
the biggest pains Ive felt
is in my pockets and my chest
detest the hearts and money
flesh and paper I detest

Imperfect Beauty

I like scars
    I think theyre good
it shows that pain is somewhat understood
I like scars
    I think theyre great
it means you do not hesitate
I dont mind scars
    across the face
upon the knees
 or any place
I think that scars build character
    and share them in the name of laughter
scars Ive had many
    but not one broken bone
surprisingly funny
    being accident prone
maybe a few fractures
    a couple lips split
but that is a factor
   being centered in pits

but Ive been haunted now-a-days
    fights as-of-late, undaunted and unfazed
I am not one to compete
    but everyone deserves to get their ass-beat
If I saw any girl naked
    I dont care who they are
Id find it bizarre
    if you had not one scar.

The Struggles of Juggling

If you dont like the way Im living
    why do you keep on coming back?
I didnt ask to be forgiven
    for not supplying what you lack

Now Im struggling to juggle
shuffling too many balls
Instead of choosing which ones will fall
I wait until I drop them all

I want to believe what your saying
    but its hard with how you act
With all the games that weve been playing
    what is fiction what is fact?

Now Im struggling to juggle
shuffling too many balls
Instead of choosing which ones will fall
I wait until I drop them all

Youve been a best friend for so long
    That I cant love you that way
Both of us are way too head strong
    and I cant let this go astray

Now Im struggling to juggle
shuffling too many balls
Instead of choosing which ones will fall
I wait until I drop them all

Havent seen your face forever
    hard to believe that it is true
Once failed at being together
    now Im lying here with you

Now Im struggling to juggle
shuffling too many balls
Instead of choosing which ones will fall
I wait until I drop them all

Gold Digger

You are slaves to the world
put on your make-up and dance
Put on a pretty dress girls
it will help you advance

hitch a rich man
stick to the plan
disguised romance
where love has no chance

Break any heart along the way
to get what you want
things come easily to they
who have beauty to flaunt

Yet nothing last forever
one day you may not have
when you are an old hag
who never found her other half

One day youll look back
and say "Where did I fall?"
youll realize that you lost track
when you tried to have it all

Take anything you want from him
laugh your way up to the store
since you sold yourself as a whore
you obviously need it more

Earlier Days

n earlier days
items or articles of clothing
left by girls
were like trophies of conquest
a deer plaque on the wall
some left them to come back
some just couldnt find them in the morning
some I wanted to come back
some I didnt
some came back
some didnt
but now
they just remind me Im older
and one day
this smile will not shine as much
this twinkle in my eye will not be as bright
and these spontaneous remarks
will not be as spontaneous
and this shit cant go on forever
nor do I want it to
and soon
there will be no items
or articles of clothing
to remind me at all
and all I will have
is those earlier days

Are You Alive?

hatred out ruled circumstance?
Is there peace without freedom?
Can a free spirit be imprisoned?
Have you followed your heart into the darkness?
Have you sailed the deep seas of the unknown mind?
Have you looked outside yourself?
have you looked inside?
Have you cared for the uncaring?
Have you sank to new lows?
Have you flew to new highs?
Have you faced your fears?
Have you sacrificed happiness?
Have you destroyed?
Have you created?
Have you felt?
Have you experienced?
Have you flourished?
Have you withered?
Have you concealed a secret?
Have you exposed one?
Have you over stepped limits?
Have you pushed boundaries?
Have you been tested?
Have you been confused?
Are you sleeping?
Are you awake?
Have you dreamed?
Would you die for someone?
Would someone die for you?
Have you lived?
Have you died?

Are you alive?

Time

They glide so smooth
through my fingertips
The seasons move
I lose my grip
I think that I am well equipped
to turn hours into minutes

Its just another day slipping away
why cling to what is not meant to stay

Its just another day of memories
that I let pass so foolishly

Another bruise
I bite my lip
Another ruse
another quip
another goodbye kiss
 for another ship Ive missed


Its just another day slipping away
why cling to what is not meant to stay

Its just another day of memories
that I let pass so foolishly

Another moment came and went
another sentence thats been spent
In this self imprisonment
of what I would rather forget

the hands of time
do not exist
no hands can hold
or make time quit

Exhausted

Im just tired
sick and tired
Im tired of nothing
Im tired of everything
Im tired of being desensitized
Im tired of comfortability in oblivion
Im tired of picking up after others.
when I have my own messes.
Im tired of never going out, and staying closed here
so I can barely pay for the house I live in.
Im tired of going places, and not being able to afford it
Im tired of being billed, for necessary human commodities
like life, warmth, water, and food, owned by overbearing, power hungry, elitists.
Im tired of people scoffing at me, when their morality is more twisted than mine.
Im tired of the judgmental , who own no finger of damnation to point
Im tired of being told how to think, by plastic people, through an artificial eye.
Im tired of forever paying near fifteen percent for something I bought on my credit card, which only broke shortly after, and I never really needed in the first place.
Im tired of working my life away, handing out my earnings
to people who never lifted a finger in their lives
Im tired of being lead by religions that are the junk science of spirituality
Im tired of pretty faces that expect the world to be handed to them on a silver platter
when their personalities dont even deserve a plastic one.
Im tired of being made to feel guilty for the actions of my ancestors
because the color of my skin is white, and I dont even own myself.
Im tired of giving to middlemen, and corporations,  with state and federal tax.
specially on the liquor, beer, and cigarettes. 
which  I use to escape the society they built
Id rather buy a half ounce of marijuana from a drug dealer on the black market
than give another dollar to a public service that serves the rich minority.
Im tired of being scared, of all the fears that they monger
Im tired of the worship of celebrity lives,
that are more dysfunctional than the majority
yet still most want to be like them.
Im tired of ignorance, lack of knowledge, and unwillingness to learn
Im tired of ignoring my dreams, thoughts, and feelings
plus all I impose on myself., because I am too afraid to share them
Im tired of being lied to, because others worry what pain the truth brings
Im tired of compassionate deceit, instead of brutal honesty
Im tired of living in an age where questioning anything is rebellion
Im tired of people saying I love you, about as easily as they say hello
Im tired of people who say "and like" and "you know" in every sentence
neither groups of people know what the fuck they are talking about.
Im tired of love being just a word, and not a feeling.
Im tired of paying over 3 dollars a gallon, to get somewhere they need me to go.
Im tired of seeing a jungle of concrete and weeds.
Im tired of seeing not a thing, and everything at the same time.
Im tired of people reading over my back
im tired of comfortability in oblivion
Im tired of being desensitized
Im tired of everything
Im tired of nothing
sick and tired
Im just tired

Rear View

If my poetry is shit
at least it is my shit
these poets of pretentiousness
with their holier than thou stance
poised in their own greatness
who think big emotion
is only found in big words
when its the little words
in between
that are easily understood
my short stark words
are no more shallow
than your elegant sentences
both have the ability
to reach just as deep
it just depends on who
Im fine with reaching just myself
these empty bottles,
tray of stems and seeds,
and overflowing ash tray,
they are fine enough listeners for me
the big picture
is not allways painted
with grandeur
but simplicity
If you believe
every comma,
every apostrophe,
every semi colon,
makes you superior
then that is a target audience you can keep
I know who I am trying to reach

Bleed Like Me

Its a barrel on the tongue
a rope around the neck
pull the trigger
take the leap
wait for what is next

Its becoming sustenance
suicide by increments
the more it grows, the worse it gets
walking hand in hand with death

Its a razor to the wrist
water in the lungs
make the cut
take the plunge
let thy will be done

Its becoming evident
wounds showing the discontent
the more it grows, the worse it gets
as I lie here and bleed to death

This I hide
 so you dont see
What is inside
 and bleed like me

Unwanted

I am the hurt that you can't ignore,
dilemas you do not wish to explore
I am the feelings you can not shake,
the flashy white smile you know is fake.

I'm the tale of a broken heart - sailing through a shattered mind
I am the endless search - for the things you can not find
I am all of the times - you wish you could rewind.
I am the light that shines - only to leave you blind.

I'm the anger you try not to feed
I am the task you can not succeed
I am the garden thats full of weeds
I am the opening wound that bleeds

I'm the tale of a broken heart - sailing through a shattered mind
I am the endless search - for the things you can not find
I am all of the times - you wish you could rewind.
I am the light that shines - only to leave you blind.

I am the lies that you thought were true.
I am the ties that are binding you.
I am the aroma of decay
I am the trash that you throw away.

I am the unwanted.

Rubbish Soup

Global warming
    famine
 smog
 war,
   fascism
 poverty

*flash* 
  polar ice melting
        holes in the ozone
plastic waste pools in the seas
  disease
     degradation
genocide

        *flash* 
    ignorance
       environmental endangerment
           unaccountable politicians and corporations
              futureless endeavors
          resources dwindling
   greed

        *flash*  
    consumerism
 floods
 earthquakes,
    tornadoes
taxation without representation.
death. . .

Growing,
    all being seen live
       in a nice little package
                by you, on the couch,
            distracted
    desensitized

In front of your TV
 while you stuff your fucking face with garbage.

Failed To See

Failed to see
the beauty and the majesty
it used to be
the starlight shining on the canopy
so magically

Failed to see
the day when arms still opened to me lovingly
so honestly
the time we looked upon each other equally
so loyally

Failed to see
the moments that we had when we were worry free
so tragically
the future that I looked upon so clearly seen
where did it flee?

Failed to see
what came and went, remaining just a memory
on a tally sheet
when I was not considered a liability
in search of peace

Now I see
who I am
and what made me
accept defeat

yet kick the dust off from my feet
and become more hardened
battle ready.

A Fleeting Feeling

Further and further, it withdraws
harder and harder, to recall
Less and less, it has been missed
I wonder and wonder, if it still exists.
I guess some things are transient
how they can vanish so quick
Is it gone?
Has it faded
or have I only become jaded?
to the way I used to feel
a heart of steel seems more ideal.

Inside a Dream

I tried to shake you
  tried to wake you
but you chose to sleep
  lie with closed eyes
you are still alive
  I can hear you breathe.
Waking nightmares
  chase me everywhere
is this reality?
  I hope and pray
I am awake
  not inside a dream.

Emotional Leech

Emotional leech
do not sink your teeth
my blood will poison you

Beyond reach
too far beneath
I have become immune

Do not cling
I wont be host
to your parasitic ways

Know one thing
Im unlike most
statistics of your praise

Carnivore
bleed me more
take with no return

Prod and bore
reach the core
where memories still burn

Make me bleed
just for your needs
I still remain alive

Still you feed
but wont succeed
maintaining what is mine

Extortioner
I wont concur
you will never bind

My feeling stir
but still defer
the thieves which steal my time

Will not transfer
what you prefer
no belief in your kind

Reprisal

Tell me why we
  ignore when we see
all of the travesty and tragedy
  impending upon you and me

yes you and me

Waiting for a savior to come
but two thousand years have passed
and still no one

still no one

we have to break the chains
  and rearrange
to try and change
all that which is deranged

that which is deranged

Painting pictures on the wall
where the writing used to be
if you want to see it all
you will have to look beneath

If you want to make a stand
be prepared to take a fall
are you hindered by their plans
are you caught up in their thralls?

Pathetic

Who is more pathetic
is it me or you
Whos more apathetic
whos lacking the truth
Should I refuse surrender
should I still persist
lost becomes the splendors
caught up in the midst
Should it be remembered
or destined to be forgotten
who is the pretender
who is the downtrodden
maybe it is both
maybe that is why
What once seemed so close
no longer applies
and so I make a toast
to everything thats died
What really matters most
is that Ive opened up my eyes
I will not be host
to your four letter lies
If that is what I choose
the pathetic one is I

Too Many Times

Ive died too many times
inside these words and lines
Does it make you feel alive
do these cries give you pride
whenever they reach your eyes?
for every single try
for every reason why
the sacrifice was mine
but it is your demise
maybe not in flesh
maybe not in bone
maybe not in mind
but in the heart and soul

The Poet I Am, The Poet Im Not

You dont have to tell me
   that I am no Bukowski
           but I've used cynicism
  as symbolism of life's beauty

No greater whims
   than Morrison
        but seen the same
  altered states as him

I already know
  that I am no Poe
     but I have shown
  similar morose

No need to accost
  I know I'm no Frost
      but on the unbeaten path 
 I have been across

I am no Plath or Dickinson
      but been with women
 just like them

I will not elude
  that I am no Neruda
but I have been forgotten
   along the shores before

No need for judging
   I know I'm no Cummings
        but carried with me
 hearts just as stunning

Will not tell you how
    I am no Wilde
          but practiced prose
in his witty style

and even though I'm none of these
    I know I can be anything
like other
self thinking
human beings

   Some may dance
some may sing

    We all just do it differently

At My Cluttered Desk

Reclined in my chair
feet in the air
Red Stripe in my hand
acoustic guitar by my side
a roof over my head
gas, electric, water,
and most importantly internet. . .
all up an running, surprisingly
looking around my cluttered desk
of full ash trays
empty cigarette packs
and bottle caps
crumpled papers
full of hopes and retrospections
where most of my "work" is done
a Pablo Neruda book in my lap
bought from the library store down the street
the bilingual edition
I notice how eloquently
the native language rolls along
compared to the translation

"Ya no lo quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido."

and thats pretty fucking deep

with a mean looking pit bull on the armrest
but not quite as mean as he looks
a pretty bird nested on my couch
pumping 30 gigs of music
off a sweet ass computer
to a bad ass pair of headphones

that drowns out her voice. . . .

life is sweet.

sometimes.

Apathetic Slumber

This season of my discontent
listlessness
irrelevance
overcast and sunless

Their sentences are gibberish
I learned how to not listen
no cares for their acceptance
or how they envision

nothing really matters much
I have become numb to their touch

too weary to fake a smile
or force myself to converse
too tired of being in denial
which only makes it worse

holding my breath for quite awhile
till I'm blue in the face

I don't want to move
I just want to sleep
how am I to soothe
these memories I reap

smoke
drink
eat
sleep
fuck it away

broke
weak
cheap
sheep
stuck in the fray
 
buy
mine
ohh
my
make sure you save

bye
bye
buy
die
and purchase a grave

I know I have been adamant
bullheaded and insubordinate
but have I been too rebellious
and perversely disobedient ?

I thought that I was standing tall
but learned pride comes before the fall

I'm too proud to give-out
too stubborn to give-in
I will not follow sorrow
I fight until the bitter end

Everybody has two sides
but only one shows at a time

Fighting a world of depression
and I intend to win
I trust my own discretion
these eyes will shine again

Its time to awaken
from this apathetic slumber
Where we are dreamily mistaken
I'll get up, before go under

Desperate Disposition

Contesting sunshine
this darkness is yours and mine
We know the daylight leads
us somewhere we dont want to be
close the shades
lie in the bed you made
one foot in the mouth
one foot in the grave
a perishable past
breeds a faltering future
that will not last
uncertain closure
cherishing seconds
in decades of degradation
It barely seems the same
though I have rarely changed
different faces
different names
same old fucking game
I am no valiant prince
Im no shining white knight
we can ride into the sunset
but it just might be tonight

Bitten

Bitten

I'm bitten
the poison
is under my skin
I'm bitten
the venom
is coursing within
I'm bitten
the toxin
is doing me in
I'm bitten
and hoping
it happens again
Your choking
You've bitten
more than you can chew
you must be forgetting
I'm poisonous too
The prey became hunter
I'm poisoning you

Jaded to the Strange

Lying fetal on the cold tile floor
in my cum encrusted boxer shorts
a substance that resembles shit
in my fingernails
blood spots the bed
empty whiskey bottles
and spent condoms
mark the memories
of posturing passions
out of meaningless sex
another cum dumpster
another ejaculate receptacle
another whore
sitting with legs open
awaiting the next cock
to stick their gaping cunts
in attempts to fill the void in their souls
unlike the days of old
when my torso was your pillow
and the arms of your glistening body
kept me warmer than these lonesome sheets
jaded to the strange
the new is all the same

they all are just the same
they all are just the same

In Between

South of heaven
north of hell
which direction will I dwell
failing in finding what I seek
is advocating apathy
a lost and listless synergy
a tiresome tirade
a hope growing bleak
time rendering my resolve weak
searching through the in between
in dire need of rescuing
to be free from this purgatory

Tearing It Away

Sometimes you just got to tear it away

every thought 

every reason

even when it goes against the grain of your being

sometimes you even have to stop breathing

and cease your heartbeat

for those you do such for

sometimes you must deny fate

and destiny

with every inch of resistance

of course

it will feel like you are dying

but such must be done in order to exist

sometimes in order to survive

you must rip it all away

every element of your past

every memory

every driving force

because

you can not live for others

who do not live for you

Double Speak

Since when did speaking with conviction
for your own personal opinion
become taboo?
Since when did eluding the real questions
with avoidance and subject change
become status quo?
Since when did we all become so fearful
of expressing our own thoughts and feelings?
Since when did protective lies
become more acceptable
than the painful truth?
Since when would we rather hurt
over the unsaid
than find relief in speaking our mind?
Since when did ignoring the problem
overcome addressing the solution
Since when did honesty fade into oblivion
and deception become common place?
Dawning a faux pas age where what is right
lies at our fingertips
yet we are unwilling to free our grasp on what is wrong.
While the masses dumbfoundedly wonder
why the meaning escapes them.

Broken Marionette

I would rather be
a broken marionette
instead of stringing
up with regret
I would rather
make my own moves
than what the puppet master
makes me do
so consider me
a useless toy
just to be free
from all your ploys
Its not the puppet
its who's pulling the strings
so cut me from it
and all which it brings

For What Its Worth

I'm not sure if it is worth testing my patience
with all of the chances that have came and went
I'm not sure if its worth the time that I waste
with every adversity I had to face
I am not sure if its worth the frustration
when all that I find is more insinuation
I'm not sure if its worth the words I have spoke
with every feeling that has been provoked
I don't know if its worth the disappointment
submitting myself to this environment
I'm not sure if its worth the uncertainty
left in a state of constant wondering

Yet still I know the reasons why I strive
because it is worth it to still feel alive.

The Body is a Temple

I would rather fan the flames
and watch it burn to the ground
than tend to the crumbling foundation
of every hope I have built
and every dream I constructed
weathered by self destruction
and razed by misplaced trust
I will no longer be watered down
by diluted faith
so let it fall to ash
and blow away with the wind
maybe something stronger
will rise from the rubble
of a demolished past.
like the rebirth of a phoenix 

The Final Straw

It seems to me,
impatience is my biggest flaw
so constantly,
 persistence seems to be
the cause of my downfall
away from heart and mind I crawl
 to not recall
why Im caught up in these thralls
cant you see?
the scars upon my flesh created from its claws
ignoring
the writing that is on the wall
can I withdraw from it all
before the camels back breaks
 from the final straw

Carry On

This is for the those burning candles at both ends
those with worn souls in which they seek to mend
This is for those seeking escape from the rain
those seeking shade standing amongst the flame

Carry on

This is for those who are growing world weary
those with tears flowing and feel their time nearing
This is for those of frustration and anger
those contemplating nooses and straight razors

Carry on

This is for those who feel unprepared
those with hearts broken, lonely and scared
This is for those who just want to give up
those with the feeling that they've had enough

Carry on

This is for those amongst the unbelievers
those who have become tiresome dreamers
This is for those blindsided by the truth
those who are screaming upwards to the roofs

Carry on

This is for those who feel they go unheard
those who can not seem to find the right words
This is for those who feel they must succumb
those who await a love that will not come

Carry on

This is for those who will settle for nothing
those tired of lies and continuous bluffing
This is for the flightless carrying broken wings
those inflicted with insidious suffering

Carry on
 Carry on

Kick the dust off your feet
 for you still may meet
   all that which you seek
     just a bit further

Down life's rocky winding streets.

Wasting Away

Ive been through all the motions
and wrestled every notion
but some hold no devotion
just disposable emotion
like a teardrop in an ocean
or a wound thats been torn open
it makes me waste away
more and more each day
my hat goes off to you
you really take the cake
for even if its true
Im lead to believe its fake

Chaos and Cosmos

I am so tired of caring
I am so tired of pretending
I am so tired of waiting
tired of anticipating
it is my fault for believing
and allowing the deceiving
hanging on the words
that should have went unheard
wading through the chaos
unwaning and lost
fading and tossed
into loves sweet holocaust
if it is written in the cards
and spelled upon the stars
it should not be so hard
to escape misery's bard

Night Vision

I have sat in the dark
for so long
that my eyes have adjusted
so I stay here in fear
that the light may blind me
and if my sun was to rise
I am terrified
that I may not even notice.

Guilty as Charged

Life is but a gamble
and I have played my cards
if this is illegal
I am guilty as charged

If I have played my part
and traveled this far
by following my heart
I am guilty as charged

I have fought with devotion
proven by my battle scars
if this is a wrongful notion
I am guilty as charged

I hold to my convictions
no matter how hard
if this is sinful addiction
I am guilty as charged

If you wish just leave me be
to rot behind these bars
I no longer concede
I am guilty as charged

I will if you will

I will walk amongst the flame
if you choose to do the same
I will keep the pain alive
if you do not let it die
I will be your tragedy
if you be my agony
I will be an apparition
if you remain my ghostly mission
If you be what I can't have
than I will stay beyond your grasp.

Until It Breaks

Thriving where the chaos reigns
to avoid every shortcoming
you think I may be crazy
but know exactly what this brings
three hundred sixty degrees
spins me back to the beginning
never looked at normalcy
as something that was appealing
Maybe I'm delusional
for holding to this spectacle
or maybe I'm too critical
of which direction I should go
I guess I'm just skeptical
of ever really feeling whole
a life of mediocrity
just don't seem that rewarding
watching it dwindling away
there is nothing you can say
to try and make me change my ways
this existence I chose holds no escape

pushing the boundary until it breaks.
to see how much I take.

Justify My Anger

Justify my anger
make the reason pure
looking past the danger
letting emotions stir
establish my fury
add fuel to the flame
burn away the worry
that buries the untamed
warrant my frustration
burrow through the blur
in every stimulation
of all that we once were.
absolve my outrage
with a reason to blame
in every war I wage
and every game I play

Endangered

Birthed into a world
where sanity is complacent numbness
Birthed into a world
where life, freedom, and innocence
is too expensive for the masses
Born into humanity
that has forgotten itself
a generation of weak hands
losing grip of instinct
losing grip of feeling
losing grip of morality
losing touch
letting go.
to reach for the god that does not answer them
to reach for the next drink
the next pill
the next product
and most of all more money
A television screen is a parent
which we depend on to watch our children
and cry afoul when they learn too much from it
Educating our adolescent
only enough to depend on a society
that may not even be there when they grow up
teaching them to follow jesters as kings
a false throne
The youngest and brightest sent to die
for the old and greedy
Where a bright colorful lure is waved in front of their eyes
where true patriotism is terrorism
where the many are separated, and the few are strong
where people are simply commodities
where the self-thinkers are outcasts
where the opinionated are slandered
A virus, infecting all elements of mother earth
a dying organism ravaging its immune system.

Born into a world, that I was counted out of,
before I could make the choice to resign.

Dying Breed

These words that you read, are thrown from my soul.
These words that I need, so I don't lose control.

How many more loads, until they break my back?
These feelings explode, can't tell whats fake or fact.

Now shall we proceed, to be a dying breed?
All of these warnings, that we do not take heed.

Deliberation is not of your concern.
Wrong destination, you have missed your turn.

I see the demons, have overthrown the throne.
The fallen angels, with nowhere to call home.

Is there no heaven? Is there no hell?
Where I have headed, it seems in both I've dwelled.

Look into my eyes, can't you tell?
They may seem empty, but it's just a cell.

What they have withheld, I wish I could share.
circumstances I have befell, I fear you would not care.

Now shall I proceed, to be a dying breed?
All of these warnings, that I do not take heed.

Drama Queens

Making something
out of nothings
always clouded, by your assumptions
Miscreated forms of hatred
towards the ones who cause your tiny problems

Making moves to purposely prove
bad impressions where all of us lose

Making something
out of nothings
well aware of the problems they bring
Articulated forms of hatred
for the ones who have no way to solve them

They ignore and yet you wonder why
they are tired of being your fall guy

Ran out of whipping boys
targets and victims
suspects to put your words in verbatim
suckers and scapegoats
to pin on your quotes

The words that you spoke have become a joke.

Don't Bother

Do you ever feel like your dying?
Is there no sense in me trying?
Voices that I keep denying,
Their advice I'm just not buying.

The fire smolders as I grow older
The Lines on my face growing bolder.
She wants to cry on my shoulder,
but where is she when I need to hold her?

Don't Bother

Indecision is ringing clear,
echoing throughout my ears.
Everything that I hold dear,
always seems to disappear.

Is all that I do in vain?
Always hearing them complain.
Trying all I can to stay sane
No medicine can kill this migraine.

Don't Bother

They depend on me to heal.
Always hearing them reveal.
What about what I conceal?
What about the way I feel?

My compassion starts to waver,
flavors of the past I savor.
Waiting here for my life saver.
Someone please return the favor.

Don't Bother

Dominant Goals

The lies
and agendas
Who took the shots?
The ties
they defend just
to take what you got

Few seem to know
those dominant goals
or do you ignore your loss of control?

Whats going on?
something is wrong

Few face the facts
that our wars will leave tracks
to know it all comes back
in a homeland attack
Those who control the money
only have to achieve
but the will of the people
and make them believe
which gives them total power
while the others only bleed
while living in poverty to make what you need.

They try
to pretend
your not on the spot
They spy
and amend
to tie you in knots

Few seem to know
those dominant goals
or do you ignore your loss of control?

Whats going on?
something is wrong

Disenchanted

I walk amongst the disenchanted

those with eyes that do not see
ears that do not hear
tongues that do not taste
and hands that do not feel

they are blind to my visions
my words they do not listen
spit out the flavors I create
numb to my touch

I walk amongst the disenchanted
detached
desensitized
demoralized and degraded
where nothing is special, and everything's jaded

everything has been seen
everything has been heard
everything has bee tasted
and everyone has been had

So say I am trapped in illusion. . . .I am glad

Coincide

Rubble, blood and tears
collect from our fears
of inability to coincide
A struggle always appears
throughout all these years
hostilities when our worlds collide
From nation to nation
to person to person
relationships worsen
for the devils den is where we are stationed
If you can not think for yourself
you can help no one else
for it is not for wealth, or power, but health
If we only took a deep look inside
we would see were the same
this world is of which we came
whether color
or gender
or creed, race
or god
We are all still peas in the same fucking pod
so look at yourself, and look at each other
would you jump so quickly to kill a sister or brother?

Bottled Up

Entrapped and Restrained,
    Enclosed inside my veins.
So nauseous  its sickening,
    this monstrous contradicting.
So hollow the bottle,
    and let out your sorrow.
No matter how much you swallow,
   it is still unforgotten tomorrow.
These are not the bottles to empty I seek,
    but I know that they render my defenses weak.
The defenses that,  I work to get past,
   stranded inside a small shell made of glass.
Does anyone truly know who I am?
    Including myself, as of now, where I stand?
The bottle I seek is inside.
    buried deep with the ego and pride.

as long as the bottle is full, that is where all of which things will lie.

Armor

This armor I wear
once used to shine with brilliance
but the years of battles have taken their toll
internal decadence has made it dull
battered, and dented, full of holes
across my breastplate, my heart is exposed
the others know this weakness
for they strike it again and again
but I have yet to falter

This armor I wear
has seen its times of war and peace
surprise skirmishes on empty streets
overbearing, obese police
stabs in the back, and frontal attacks
sweet victory, and bitter defeat
In my head the battles repeat
over and over
it prepares me for the next wave

it has been molded around me
I can not take it off
I wish I could
for you

Agnostic

I have been dreaming of rapture for so long
and not making it here, but when I'm gone
repeating the longest of sad songs
a paradise gone wrong

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

Dream of a warmth not remembered
a December that lasts forever
am I too numb to know if I get there?
set me free from this temper

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

Cling to a fury that helps me form
a silent calm right before the storm
These clouds that separate me from the norm
demons I can not reform

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

A childhood vision that's shattered
from a day when all of it mattered
a consultation that man has torn and tattered
misread words fill empty heads

Heaven? Heaven can wait
while I try to make a cleaner slate

God please don't tell me its too late.

Be My Affliction

Be my problem
be my mistake
be the reason for my heart break
Be my headache
my nervous wreck
be the source of my neglect
Be my hurt
be my pain
be my reason to complain
Be my madness
be my sadness
be my past, be my missed chances
Be my disgust
my misplaced trust
be my love that was unjust

Don't be these things
  Hold on, wait.
already are
   it is too late.

Shrouded Obscurity

If you keep running from the truth
than it is lies that you pursue
continue holding to the wrong
and the right eventually moves on
turning your back to what you see
is blinding you from everything
closed ears incapable of hearing
the echos of what you are dreaming
every ruse that you peruse
confuses all that you could lose
saturating your being
losing honesty and meaning
concealing every feeling
never reveals serenity

Self Destruct

Tearing myself away
from their moral decay
walking the avenue
along  those without a clue
the joggers seek life preservation
while I seek out life destruction
following crossroad junctions
where true sense no longer functions
past the gyms lined with weight benches
while I walk along gutters and trenches
I would rather have nothing
than what they see as something
postponing the inevitable
immortal hopes inside their skulls 
give me death to know I'm alive
not life to know that I will die.

Satans Necktie

what is normalcy?
what is irrational?
vagrant wanderers
somewhere in between the two
dwelling outside of belonging
unknown is the existence
beyond mortal borders
what boundaries do the mind have
with infinite perception?
is eternity truly perpetual?
obedience
is suicide of the soul
stifled evolution
in a world of conservative illusion
and elaborate enchantment
lost are the keys to the kingdom
utopia ravaged, raped
by the highest bidder
and sold back
to the spiritually disconnected children
of a forgotten age
in a plastic package

Astray but not Lost

It's in my blood,
my heart, my mind.
will not succumb
to ties and binds
of ancestry left far behind
will not deny
or compromise
inside the name or where it lies
will not cater, coddle
or croon these goons
fed by spoon
distorted views
refuse to lose
the path I choose
untainted by their guilt and gloom
unfazed by undereducated,
fools overtly opinionated
facing wayward from their hatred
and every truth they have negated
as I still try to reside
the depths they go grow far and wide
on avenues of wit and wise
the wool is not pulled to my eyes

I may have been led astray
but know where my intentions lay.

Come and Go

although it may not matter now
the way I felt
or wondered how
some things thought easy to obtain
are not the same to keep or maintain
forgotten faces
unremembered voices
and reasons why we made those choices
loss of reason
and withered will
can bring ones world to a stand still
remainders linger
mental pictures
grow stranger and harder to figure
through hard times
and harder liquor
they burn quicker
than oil and wicker
and as history blazes away
reflecting what we wish would stay
it illuminates a brand new day
where we can leave behind the weight
the things that are not made to last
are often better in our past

Optimist

I apologize if these words
do not paint a pleasant picture
excuse me if I only give vivid detail
from a black and white perspective
sorry If I wander the gray area
pardon me for not being content
amongst the populous of raped minds
and ravaged landscapes
I also sometimes regret
that it holds no stories
of rainbows and butterflies,
green pastures and blue skies
but hearts were destined to be broken
the roses have their thorns
the birds have their beaks
and the bees have their stingers

those who examine both sides of the coin
are easily susceptible
to the break,
to the prick,
to the peck,
and to the sting

but memories. . .
ahh memories. . .
you are but the queen of all bitches!

the break will heal
the prick will stop bleeding
the peck will heal
and the sting will subside. .

but the memory will surely outlive me.

It Is

It is what sends chills down your spine
It is what raises the hair on your neck
It is the butterflies in your stomach
It is what makes you weak in the knees
It is what leads us from sadness to happiness,
and sometimes vice-versa

It is what makes you feel weightless
Is is the goosebumps that come
It is what we all search for
It is the meaning to our life
It is what does not have to be said,
but felt

The Naysayers

Let them talk
let them scoff
let the swine feed from the trough
all their words come off as soft
spewing from mouths which don't belong

However Much It Hurts

If it is a matter of luck
  it doesn't matter much

I guess whatever works
 However much it hurts

If it is a matter of chance
  I still maintain my stance

I guess whatever works
  However much it hurts

However much it hurts

right in front of my eyes
I watch time fly by
wonder why
somehow I
can't get a damn thing right
still I fight
day and night
raging against these plights
drunk with madness
taking chances
to ignore the sadness
how did it come to this
my advance
another step toward the abyss
I only wish
for a little peace
maybe a little bliss
a mind at ease
a place where all the troubles cease
look at me
as I transform into a beast
how could this be?
I'm stumbling
my stride once came easily
I'm crawling
the fall cut me off from the knees
as I bleed
profusely
seeking some appendages
confessedly wondering
what happened to all of my friends
haphazardly
hoping that it all will end
seeking light around the bend
that might hold just a bit of content
when it's done and said
maybe I can rest my head
but until then
I guess I still have to contend


If it is a matter of luck
  it doesn't matter much

I guess whatever works
 However much it hurts

If it is a matter of chance
  I still maintain my stance

I guess whatever works
  However much it hurts

However much it hurts

The March

We only lose
what we have not gained
before the deathbed
so why quit trying?
why cease fighting?
with persistence
victory is but an avenue
towards an end
maybe a dead end
but on the other hand
possibly the destination
one can never know
unless we arrive there
regret
is reserved for those
who never made an attempt
The white flag
only symbolizes pestilence
I will march to the drum
of my heartbeat

until it no longer continues to

Ambiguity

Shrouded in opacity
clouded by instability
uncertainty has stifled me
my vision has grown vague

I search for clues beyond the ruse
but yet again I lose my view
skewed from a way to renew
this vision that grew vague

Stunted by ambiguity
and fronted with calamity
wanting visibility and clarity
can these visions be saved?

What I Am, What I Do.

Traffic lights, asphalt, and glass
I see the sights, the faults, and ask
are we all living in the past
or evolving to a higher path?

Cultured, advanced, sophisticated
as the wars dance to fear and hatred
I have been overstimulated
but will not be made an understatement

It's what I am, it's what I do

As I lament in discontent
my fate is filled with restlessness
a relentless search for relevance
where evidence holds precedence

Misery may be a muse
but it's not the avenue I choose
It is fruition I pursue
but refuse to ever let subdue

All that I am, all that I do

This destiny or so it seems
rarely ever holds to peace
I will not cease to find release
from the clutch that hinders me

Wandering in search of clues
I continue to stay on the move
I can only try to see this through
whether or not I win or lose

I am a man who will stay true.

It's what I am, It's what I do

A Late Farewell

You should not be surprised
  that my life holds no compromise
     this was not as I planned
I don't expect you to see from where I stand
  or look through my eyes
this is a late goodbye
  that I left behind
I was never good with time
  but forever in my mind
I remember what was mine
 in those shared short moments we would find

may they always treat you kind
   may they always treat me kind

Everything Changes Cover

Vagabond

Why is my mind but a planet
that circles around your sun
and these thoughts but a drop
in the vast ocean of my memory
will the needle in the haystack
ever prick the finger
of the farmers daughter?
like a dog at the feet of strangers
searching for your scent
pissing on territory
that is not his
love lost vagabond
searching for his way back home
into the hearts of the broken

while wondering. .

was it ever home?

what and where is home?

Destroy The Void

Destroy the void within my soul
it is time to let it go
before it starts to take its toll

Destroy the void within my soul
it is time to get a hold
it is time to gain control

As the body withers
the spirit grows
with self destruction
I've come to know
inside the vastness
of vapid life
beside the masters
watchful eye
thousands of questions
unanswered why's
transparent freedom
bound and tied
synapses spark within my mind
in the dark I peel the rind

Destroy the void within my soul
it is time to let it go
before it starts to take its toll

Destroy the void within my soul
it is time to get a hold
it is time to gain control

Destitute Kingdom (Going This Alone)

still here on my own
going this alone
loneliness bestowed
upon this lonesome throne

feel like my soul is in limbo
an empty shell of skin and bone
a heart that has grown hollow
an emotion no longer shown
it seems any love I had
is a love that's not returned
the thought still drives me mad
burdened by the burn
maybe I am incompatible
destined to be incomplete
my mind and heart at battle
rendering companions obsolete
it seems life would be more easy
if I had someone who cared
somebody beside me
with a love that could be shared

but I'm still here on my own
going this alone
loneliness bestowed
upon this lonesome throne

Hands of Fate

Writhing in my destiny
avoiding hands of fate
strangling and suffocating
choking this away
fight its grip
and break the hold
that's leading me astray
as I strive to make my stake
upon a better day
making my advance
to fight the predetermined
all that's left is chance
of what's beyond my discerning
I battle the inevitable
futility does not exist
no matter the troubles
I will still persist
faith will be fulfilled
caught up in this fray
I still have the will
and I shall find a way

No one looks at the sky anymore

No one looks to the sky anymore
as the ancients did many years before
using the stars and constellations
for harvesting and navigation
How often do you pause to see
upon the heavens majesty?
all the hues from blue to black
have managed to stay intact
the vision is what seems to lack
we're jaded to this simple fact
missing out on the sunset
instead T.V. and internet
glares its artificial light
upon your sullen face at night
beyond your windows and your door
there's so much left still to explore
yet all is but forgotten lore
no one looks to the sky anymore

Problematic Persistence

Bull-headed ways may do me in
I'm stubborn till the very end
it seems I always have to win
in every conflict that begins

Pride at times has masked the truth
shielding myself with this ruse
with the fear that I may lose
everything that I pursue

This problematic persistence
may be my downfall
but at least I faced reluctance
instead of not at all

Man Made Mockery

We spit in the eyes of the gods
by living out our lives as frauds
 while we stand here and applaud
building upon this facade
of a man made mockery
war mongering traded for peace
as hatred grows
love seems to cease
selling ourselves to slavery
by giving up our liberties
part by part
and piece by piece
with loss of spirituality
are we even human beings?
it seems we have forgot our role
standing on a pedestal
tarnishing all in this world
as our fates become unfurled

Hang Rope

There is no use, for excuses
we have tied our own nooses
There is no use, for excuses
now the knot will not loosen

Hang. . just hang

So callous, we wallow
the final blow that's waiting below
So selfish, so shallow
time to step up to the gallows

and hang. .just hang

We've pleaded, and badgered
it's all just endless banter
Unheeded what's after
none of it really matters

Hang. .just hang

We've tightened this hang rope
fight it's hold but escape is no hope
We've tightened this hang rope
either choke or get your neck broke

and hang. .just hang